Being The Anti-Perfect Parent | David Simnick (Dad of 1, Soapbox)

[00:00:00] Dave Simnick: Be prepared for how drastic your life is going to change, and know that, you know, most everyone I talk to is just thrilled about how it's changed their life a year ago, two years ago, whatever self is, I would say like, “Hey, you know, like, know that this will change everything.” And the scariest thing is that you'll love it.
[00:00:20] Adam Fishman: Welcome to Startup Dad, the podcast where we dive deep into the lives of dads who are also leaders in the world of startups and business. I'm your host, Adam Fishman. After founding and running a company for nearly 15 years, Dave Simnick found himself with a newborn and all the changes that come with it today.
[00:00:41] Adam Fishman: Dave, founder of Soapbox joins me on Startup Dad to talk about life with a one-year-old Dave started his career in education. But has been building Soapbox ever since his college days. He's a husband and the father of one son. We talked about the changes he had to make as CEO to prepare for his new responsibilities.
[00:01:00] Adam Fishman: The systems he and his wife have in place in their dual working household, saying no to professional endeavors, to spend more time with his son and tons of new dad parenting frameworks, including clear communication and consistent boundaries. His weekly partner sync and his 20% rule. 20% of the time, we're just figuring this all out and laughing about it.
[00:01:21] Adam Fishman: If you like what you hear, please subscribe to Startup Dad on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple. I hope you enjoy today's conversation with Dave Simnick. Welcome Dave Simnick to Startup Dad, and a special thank you to Mike Malloy for connecting the two of us. So shout out to Mike and welcome to the show, Dave. It's good to see you.
[00:01:44] Dave Simnick: Adam, pleasure to be here, man.
[00:01:46] Adam Fishman: All right. we've been trying to schedule this for a while. When we first
[00:01:50] Adam Fishman: started, you had like a 10 or 11 month old.
[00:01:53] Adam Fishman: Now he is won in change. and you're also building and have been building for a long time, a company called Soapbox. so you've got this company called Soapbox. You've got a one-year-old. now before we go too far, I understand that you have a discount code that you'd like to offer listeners to the Startup Dad.
[00:02:12] Adam Fishman: So what is that code?
[00:02:15] Dave Simnick: so the discount right now is, STARTUPDAD5.
[00:02:18] Dave Simnick: So you get 5% off your first order. that's, if you do it now, if you wait till about mid.
[00:02:24] Dave Simnick: It might increase and at the end absolutely.
[00:02:27] Adam Fishman: Alright. So, You've been building this company Soapbox, uh, which sells soap?
[00:02:33] Adam Fishman: you've been building this company for a really, really long time, like way before your son was born.
[00:02:39] Adam Fishman: and you've been the CEO and founder of this company, the, the whole time. So, you find out you're gonna have a kid, which I assume, this was a planned thing.
[00:02:47] Adam Fishman: and I wanna know what changes did you make as the CEO of your company to prepare for the new responsibility of, starting a family?
[00:02:57] Dave Simnick: I lucked out and I lucked out because I ended up marrying this beautiful, amazing Turkish woman, I'm from the Midwest, right? So, uh, Soapbox is headquartered in Washington DC my Midwestern roots, like you raise a family, kinda,
[00:03:13] Dave Simnick: by your own, you know, like, yeah, your family shows up on the weekends for a couple hours and then play with your kid and maybe, you know, maybe mom or dad, you know, come and help out. And they're like, go on a date night, we got 'em. You know, like, and that type of stuff. Or we might have 'em the weekend, you know, like those are, those are exaggerated.
[00:03:31] Dave Simnick: But like the Turks are like, you had a second bedroom I'm coming in for six months. it is so funny because like I know all about like visa law because like we, we time my family and my external family, like two, like a day of when that visa's about to run out.
[00:03:51] Dave Simnick: So, I'm incredibly lucky because, our household is just busting at the seams at any given. Any given month of all the help that we have. my co-founder Dan, has, two kids like nine and seven. And so I've gotten a front row seat in terms of like how he's done it over the years.
[00:04:10] Dave Simnick: And I just knew that you're not gonna be good at everything. if you don't want to dedicate the amount of time that a startup needs, uh, and we've grown a lot. So like, there's some people who don't consider us a startup anymore and, you know, we're not nine figures, but we're getting pretty damn close.
[00:04:26] Dave Simnick: so in terms of revenue, like I still don't have an executive assistant. No one in our leadership team does. We probably should,given the fact that it took months for us to actually schedule and find a time for this.
[00:04:37] Dave Simnick: I think the biggest thing that I had to prepare for was I really loved working the weekends.
[00:04:45] Dave Simnick: a six hour stretch on a Saturday just uninterrupted, where you can go really deep. and that's gone. because I got to be dad
[00:04:53] Dave Simnick: but I will say, uh, someone asked me recently, they're like, you've gotten, you know, exceptionally good at time management over the years.
[00:05:01] Dave Simnick: I'm like, actually I've gotten exceptionally good at time management over the past year. And I'm like, you want to like. Get something done, you give it to a busy person, you want to get something done immediately, you give it to a parent shockingly I was good with the lack of sleep 'cause I was like, oh, this feels familiar.
[00:05:18] Dave Simnick: before your son was born, when you were working, doing stuff on the weekends, Did you find that like during the week you would sort of mentally be like, I'm gonna get to that on Saturday on my like deep work day.
[00:05:30] Adam Fishman: And so you had to like adjust that thinking after he came ar around to be like, well, that Saturday day doesn't exist anymore.
[00:05:38] Adam Fishman: What did you do to like readjust your, your time or when do you do that? deep work? Deep thinking now that used to be kind of chunked into Saturdays.
[00:05:47] Dave Simnick: I think a lot of it happens where I'm just way more intentional with my time.
[00:05:52] Dave Simnick: Like I'm like, I need these two hours on this work time, day period, whatever. And just telling people, no. Whether it be external or, or being more polite internally of like, no, I, I can't,
[00:06:04] Dave Simnick: I think consistently triage, prioritizing the things that are really important and then trying to, you know, tell people within our team, like, I know that you want me to respond right now because someone wrote something, something on an Instagram post, but like, nah,
[00:06:19] Dave Simnick: like, what I really need to do right now is get back to our biggest customer with like a really well thought out plan in terms of how we're launching these three new SKUs and how we're gonna support it,
[00:06:29] Dave Simnick: I think one of the things about being a, a parent, that a lot of startup founders, I, I would assume given like the stress and the responsibility and, and so much that comes with building a, quickly growing, hopefully successful brand or company or whatever it might be, is that you have to have really candid conversations.
[00:06:47] Dave Simnick: And I think a lot of those candid conversations then turn inward of like, okay, well my bandwidth has, has gone down. You know, like, I have to take care of this thing. I have to be an equal partner. I wanna be there for these really precious moments. so what absolutely needs to get done and what maybe doesn't need to get done.
[00:07:07] Adam Fishman: you know, you mentioned being a good partner. You also mentioned that you, you have a lovely Turkish wife,
[00:07:12] Adam Fishman: but your partner also works full-time,
[00:07:15] Adam Fishman: You have some family help, it sounds like, sounds like the second bedroom is, is never empty
[00:07:20] Adam Fishman: But I'm curious, uh, if you had to, you know, work with your wife to, come up with some new systems in place for having a dual working, now with a family, household.
[00:07:35] Dave Simnick: communication is key. I think the other thing that I, I really cherish about my wife is we've always, as intense as things have gotten, as much as I love our boy, he's so full of laughter and joy.
[00:07:50] Dave Simnick: And he has no chill. Like I have never once when my child is awake, like been able to like put him on my lap and he just wants to be there, even in month three, right? When there barely can do anything. Right? He still was like a little a worm, you know? He just wants to, he wants to pop it.
[00:08:09] Dave Simnick: And now he's like, you're not even walking. He's running. So like, it's, you know, he's just full blown, like Forrest Gumps his way down the hallway and then just keeps on running into everything and tripping and falling and like, nothing hurts him.
[00:08:24] Dave Simnick: but my wife and I always make time for each other. So I think one of the biggest things is that like her work is thankfully incredibly flexible. It's very demanding, but flexible. so we always, on like a daily basis are like, okay, well what can you do? What can I do? given the responsibilities of, of Soapbox, I have to be like, no, no, I can't take him to swim practice.
[00:08:45] Dave Simnick: our kid was in like early defensive swim of like, what happens if like, you know, he gets pushed in the water. Absolutely hated it. You know, like, pretty sure we traumatized him in water,
[00:08:54] Adam Fishman: there's always this give and take. and I think one of the things that we both do really well is we always make sure that we have enough time for each other and to celebrate each other and to keep this romance alive.
[00:09:05] Adam Fishman: Great. When you were starting a family together, uh, and talking about like how Separation of responsibilities or how, how each of you was gonna parent. was there a lot of negotiation that had to happen between the two of you? you mentioned communication, so how much communication took place in the runup to, becoming a dad?
[00:09:27] Dave Simnick: what we both thought was gonna happen and what actually turned into reality are two completely different things.
[00:09:33] Dave Simnick: I'm in the office realistically maybe two if I'm lucky, three days a week. and I remember, uh, I told her like, Hey, after four weeks I'm back to, you know, every day back in the office.
[00:09:44] Dave Simnick: And I don't think I went back to, two or three days until like nine months. That also is because, our little guy, is huge. He is massive. He's like 99% in both height and weight. for those of you who know, I have a 29 pound, like 1-year-old,
[00:10:00] Dave Simnick: I think the biggest, the prep that we did was we really honed in on how do we make sure that we have the support structure at home?
[00:10:10] Dave Simnick: his sleeping space, how do we remove all the friction that we possibly can? I have no stock or, you know, equity or anything in this, but baby zas, like automatic formula maker is worth its weight in gold. so just like really doing the research and, and making sure that we could try to streamline as many things that often took a lot more time than, than they were needed.
[00:10:33] Adam Fishman: I wanted to come back to something you said a couple minutes ago, uh, which is around this idea of saying no more. Now that you are. A dad. you told me in our prep for the show that choosing to have an intentional presence is something that you actively do, and then that means you have to say no to some professional things in order to spend time with your son, Noah. what are some of the things that, as a founder and CEO that come up that you find yourself now maybe saying no to? now that you have no, and in the past you would've been like, sure, you know, no problem. I'll do that.
[00:11:12] Dave Simnick: conferences, networking events, spontaneous dinners with other founders, customer meetings that I don't have to be at, but it would probably be good if I was at. there's pros and cons to everything, right? Like the more that you empower your team, the more that they're going to, like, a, feel empowered, and b, that they're gonna be able to grow and, and, you know, take the game ball and all that type of stuff.
[00:11:37] Dave Simnick: The pro of being like, Hey, I, I can't be there. I gotta be with my son. Is that your team is like, okay, we got you. my wife is awesome. she totally understands how committed and dedicated and how far we've come with this brand from like my college kitchen 15 years ago.
[00:11:53] Dave Simnick: So, and I'm like, Hey, I gotta fly to meet with Target or Walmart or CVS, you know, in their headquarters. And like, this is a top to top meeting. then I gotta go and she understands.
[00:12:05] Adam Fishman: has Noah ever made an appearance on a conference call or a customer
[00:12:09] Adam Fishman: meeting or anything like that? Yeah. What's
[00:12:11] Adam Fishman: your, what's your favorite story from him showing up on a, on a Zoom call?
[00:12:17] Dave Simnick: couple of my buyers just straight up ask, like, I'll be on a Zoom call with some of 'em, and they'll just be like, I wanna see your kid. I don't care about you. I'm like, all right, well, we only have 10 minutes for this call. You sure you want five minutes of like, ooh, and ah, and go, all right.
[00:12:30] Dave Simnick: Sure.
[00:12:30] Dave Simnick: honestly, anyone who has kids, right? It could be the most tense conversation ever, right? Like, you could be negotiating with one of your suppliers for an additional like 10 points or whatever it might be,
[00:12:43] Dave Simnick: and your kid comes crashing into the call.
[00:12:46] Dave Simnick: there's a huge level of empathy. that comes about that. But then also, like there's a, there's a humanization in the fact that like, yeah, we're doing business with each other and we have to negotiate this type of stuff, but like, now you get to see me through this lens.
[00:13:00] Dave Simnick: so to answer your question, Adam, many of our customers I've seen me like, show up on a Zoom and my little guy is like fascinated by all the screens that he sees. 'cause I, at home I have like three different screens and at work I have four. And like, ah, like, you know, it's just, it's awesome.
[00:13:15] Adam Fishman: Wow. You can get Bluey going on one of those while you're doing the
[00:13:19] Adam Fishman: other three or something.
[00:13:20] Dave Simnick: Dude, I watched Bluey, I watched Blue even before I had kids. 'cause I
[00:13:24] Dave Simnick: was like, this is amazing. 'cause my nieces and nephews got me into it and I was like, this is awesome.
[00:13:31] Adam Fishman: what is the most surprising thing that you've discovered about being a dad?
[00:13:36] Dave Simnick: Because I had been a Teach for America educator with middle schoolers. I knew that I loved kids, but I thought that I was really only gonna enjoy it, like truly love it once it got to the point of like full-blown cerebral activity,
[00:13:51] Dave Simnick: right? Like talking, exploring,
[00:13:53] Dave Simnick: all these things, you know, I am just head over heels in love with my infant. that has completely shocked me. I did not expect. What about you, man? How about like, what, what was the biggest shock for you?
[00:14:09] Adam Fishman: One of the things I'm amazed on, amazed about, and I I think you probably can relate to this, is like, I didn't know what my capacity was to function on such little sleep.
[00:14:21] Adam Fishman: I thought it was gonna be terrible and it wasn't. I mean, you're tired, but you can do quite a bit, you know, some things go by the wayside, you're not going like running a marathon or anything
[00:14:35] Adam Fishman: like that. but you know, you can do a decent amount of stuff on pretty little sleep for a pretty long time. And then it gets, you know, incrementally better sleep-wise. Like, there's like big step function changes as you go. So that one was really, interesting to me. And then I think the range of emotions that you experience with kids, like the highs are higher. The lows are lower, especially as you get older, as your kids get older and you see. Obviously when they're young, they like bump their head on something and you're like, oh, oh no, that's so bad. But like, you know, when you see as they get older and you see like kids being mean to each other or someone's mean to your kid and they're like really upset by that, that is a really hard thing to see as a, as a parent and to then also be like, let's talk about how we work through this.
[00:15:26] Adam Fishman: You know? 'cause you just want to go and like throttle that other kid or whatever. So,
[00:15:30] Adam Fishman: those have been a couple things that have been just really surprising. the range of emotions and then the capacity for functioning on little, little to no sleep.
[00:15:39] Dave Simnick: I have a, a super funny story to share. I was on a bachelor party there were like 20 guys and it was like, it was an Airbnb in Tulum and this was like month three. Into Noah, our firstborn and the Bachelor, and everyone else was like, we're going out. Like, let's do it.
[00:15:59] Dave Simnick: I was like, I'm good. And they're like, you know what? Like either what? Come on man. Like, let's go, let's go rage. I'm like, I have been looking forward to this one moment where I'm gonna be able to like collapse and sleep for 12 hours. Like, I will do whatever drinking games you want to do, like to tomorrow, but tonight,
[00:16:20] Dave Simnick: tonight.
[00:16:21] Dave Simnick: I'm gonna be in bed by nine and nothing's gonna wake me.
[00:16:24] Adam Fishman: That's awesome. Yeah, it's a I'm having a me night.
[00:16:28] Adam Fishman: you know, you also described, uh, having a kid to me as a masterclass in patience, which I, I think most parents can appreciate. what really tests the limits of your, your patience. Where do you have to dig deep when it comes to, you know, staying calm?
[00:16:43] Dave Simnick: it's not about you, period. Right? Like, anything that you thought, you're like, oh, I remembered I just have to do this. And like, you're, you know, you're watching your kid and they're like, no, but you know what you're gonna do right now? You're gonna, you're gonna play the same song on this musical, like, coloring book and you're gonna play it for the next 20 times.
[00:17:04] Dave Simnick: Or else, you know, and you're like, all right, well, cool.
[00:17:08] Dave Simnick: I will say that, and we have so much, growth to see in our little son. His personality is already so similar to mine in some ways where I'm like, oh God, help this child. Like he is like, he is so screwed.
[00:17:26] Dave Simnick: 'cause he is got all these things that I know that I had to like grow up with and deal with and, I think the patience part is that like, I just try to note and remember as much that comes up because the way that my brain works is, like things hit me so quickly. so I'll be like idea, idea, idea, idea, idea, idea.
[00:17:44] Dave Simnick: And that usually, you know, when it was like a Saturday deep dive or Sunday deep dive or what it might be, I'd be able to action on it, right? And like, you know, have a little notebook and write down the other things that I couldn't action on. But I was able to be, you know, like go deep in that because I could create an environment that allowed, the constant.
[00:18:02] Dave Simnick: Filtering of, of ideas and being able to categorize them and, and organize that. You know, when you're watching your kid, you're also, you know, very conscious of screen time and you know that they can, they know whether you're playing actively with them, whether you're present, even a couple months old, they can know that.
[00:18:21] Dave Simnick: I think for me it's been how, how am I genuinely present right here for my kid? How am I playing and active and simulating his curiosity and, building this beautiful world, and really like, yeah, sanding all the things that he wants to explore.
[00:18:40] Adam Fishman: If you were to give yourself your younger self a year ago self, some advice, about having a kid, what would you tell Younger David?
[00:18:51] Dave Simnick: Sleep. Sleep now sleep as much as you can. the other thing I would say is that having a kid is really strange. Like it puts a lot of stress on whatever partnership you have.
[00:19:03] Dave Simnick: and a lot of the mechanisms that once were before, to help, buffer this are gone. you just don't have that time anymore.
[00:19:13] Dave Simnick: like, there's so many things that you used to do that just poof. Like you just, you cannot do.
[00:19:18] Dave Simnick: so I'd say the other thing is, is that like, thankfully for me, I don't yearn for a lot of those things. because I had the time to explore and do those type of things. And I wouldn't say get it outta my system, I just, you know, was able to go and live those chapters in my life.
[00:19:36] Dave Simnick: but I am so excited to live these chapters with Noah. you know, jokingly I say sleep, but sincerely sleep like. And then, and then I'd say the other part is that like, just be prepared for how drastic your life is going to change.
[00:19:54] Dave Simnick: And know that, you know, most everyone I talk to is just thrilled about how it's changed their life.
[00:20:01] Dave Simnick: the other thing I would say to my, you know, a year ago, two years ago, whatever self is, I would say like, Hey, you know, like, know that this will change everything. And the scariest thing is that'd you'll love it.
[00:20:12] Adam Fishman: did you read a lot of books, parenting
[00:20:14] Adam Fishman: books and things like that to get ready what's your take on that? Were those helpful?
[00:20:18] Adam Fishman: Not a great use of time. Like what do you think?
[00:20:21] Dave Simnick: I think a lot of it is good advice. Like a lot of the, a lot of the dude you're gonna be a dad books, are just like, don't be a dick to your wife. And you're like, oh, great. Good chapter.
[00:20:31] Dave Simnick: I think a lot of it also is just like super, like, Hey, this is how, like, you take care of a kid and this is what they're trying to tell you, and make sure that you have these things set up and like
[00:20:42] Dave Simnick: best parenting advice I think I've ever gotten is, you're gonna be really scared on your first. but know that as a species, we've been doing this for a very long time and a lot of this, surprisingly, is just gonna be innate.
[00:20:56] Dave Simnick: Speaking of books, what is your favorite book to read to Noah?
[00:21:01] Dave Simnick: the Blue Truck series and everything with blue trucks
[00:21:05] Dave Simnick: because I, I like making all the different noises
[00:21:07] Dave Simnick: because my wife hates it. She thinks they're too long.
[00:21:11] Adam Fishman: They're like seven pages.
[00:21:14] Dave Simnick: Seeds one.
[00:21:15] Dave Simnick: Right. it is scary how, much, you know, your children start to emulate you, even at a very young age.
[00:21:23] Dave Simnick: I can't wait to see what he does next.
[00:21:26] Dave Simnick: I remember the first time he stood up on, on and started walking. I was like, you know, like, you're so happy. Like, yay. And then like the full immediacy of like, we haven't baby proofed the house enough for this moment yet. oh God.
[00:21:38] Adam Fishman: okay. Let's talk parenting frameworks for a bit. You have some of these, the first one that you told me about is clear communication, consistent boundaries, overflowing affection. Can you tell me about that Trifecta?
[00:21:55] Dave Simnick: I think it can be truncated into an even shorter phrase, and then as direct, but kind.
[00:22:01] Dave Simnick: And that's straight from Teach for America. so Teach for America is really interesting, right? Because essentially they're taking, high achieving undergrads, which they made a terrible mistake and somehow let me in.
[00:22:14] Dave Simnick: they put you in, in really tough schools,
[00:22:17] Dave Simnick: with low achievement rates, and they're like, all right, sink or swim. And in terms of like you being a teacher. But the interesting thing about, the coaching that you get and the, and the education you get and you can get a master's in education, which I was getting,
[00:22:32] Dave Simnick: One of the things is like, look, children, especially like elementary, you know, middle school essentially, they will test your boundaries, being firm on those boundaries is a good thing, right? Like, it, it provides security and safety and, consistency for children. but they should know they're loved about a hundred percent.
[00:22:55] Dave Simnick: They should know they're loved.
[00:22:56] Dave Simnick: you should fill them with that empowerment so that they are fearless and exploring and they wanna learn and they're willing to take risks. and they know their values. clear and communication, we've already started saying, the Turkish word for no is higher.
[00:23:13] Dave Simnick: Noah's probably gonna speak pretty late because like he's hearing three constant languages in the household and he's just like, you want me to speak Spanish, English, Turkish? What do you want? But it is really interesting 'cause like he knows different things in different languages.
[00:23:26] Dave Simnick: he knows when like, doing something wrong, and he is a year and a month almost, right? Like, like we, when he runs off towards, a drawer and he starts climbing up the drawer and we're like, that's really dangerous. We'll say like higher. and which is ironic that I just use that because, you know, you might think it's actually
[00:23:41] Dave Simnick: like, let's climb higher,
[00:23:42] Dave Simnick: but he Yeah, right.
[00:23:44] Adam Fishman: He's like,
[00:23:45] Adam Fishman: I'm,
[00:23:45] Dave Simnick: is not a great example. Um, but, but honestly like he, he knows that like, at that tone and inflection, he's just like, oh crap, I can't do this. And he'll stop. And like, I think that's where it's just like, oh wow, cool. But then the thing is, is in terms of like love languages, like physical touch.
[00:24:03] Dave Simnick: He is doomed because he has just been cuddled beyond belief. and with, you know, so many people in the house, like consistently holding him and, and squeezing him and loving him. Uh, we also have a really firm rule of no screens.
[00:24:17] Dave Simnick: speaking of like relevant stories, I was watching, the Chiefs and, Ravens game yesterday. And like, he came in and watched like five seconds of it and the pure wonder in his eyes
[00:24:29] Dave Simnick: of like, what is this? and my wife was like, no, just like hit that remote so fast, but for five seconds he was just like, oh.
[00:24:41] Dave Simnick: this is beautiful. But no, we, we both have looked at a bunch of the research and we're like, uh, we're good at, we're gonna keep 'em away from these as long
[00:24:49] Adam Fishman: Yeah. Yeah. another framework that you have, you described as 80% consistency in 20%. We're just figuring this out and laughing through it. so is that a, just a general like mindset you try to have in your household, which is like, we're only about four fifths of the way good here.
[00:25:09] Dave Simnick: I've seen as we've grown as a company to make a parallel, uh, that we've tried to. Institute so much process and sometimes process starts to kill the thing that makes Soapbox special.
[00:25:21] Dave Simnick: so I think my co-founder and I have, have always tried to be like, Hey, we've brought on all these amazing people from Unilever and church and Dwight and L'Oreal and Nestle, and like, this is great and wonderful, and all these processes that you're building are, are making us a, a better organization, more efficient, you know, more thoughtful.
[00:25:40] Dave Simnick: you can't kill innovation and speed and the things that make us so good and competitive in a wildly competitive market. so I think at the same thing goes with, we just understand that there's gotta be whoops, that sucked. Like we tried,
[00:25:56] Dave Simnick: and that's all right
[00:25:57] Adam Fishman: You have an example of that that comes to mind?
[00:25:59] Dave Simnick: we tried to buy these, like certain shoes for him,
[00:26:02] Dave Simnick: so that he would like, feel more comfortable walking outside and like, because he's just such a massive kid. Like, we kept on ordering what should have been his size, but we're too small. And then we just ordered like way too big shoes and they kinda looked like clown shoes and for like a solid week we're just like, well, we don't know if it's good to go through another gross fruit.
[00:26:19] Dave Simnick: So
[00:26:20] Dave Simnick: he just walking outside looking like a clown's,
[00:26:23] Adam Fishman: That's awesome. Okay. Third one for you. Calendar is. The sacred space or calendar as sacred space. So you do, you're big on time blocking, on your calendar. So tell me about how you do that.
[00:26:37] Dave Simnick: this happened earlier today. Like, I had a time block out where I was like, all right, I need to get these things done for a board meeting.
[00:26:44] Dave Simnick: and it was all, you know, gravy until my wife like, opens the door and shouts at me, and she's like, I need the big cake.
[00:26:51] Dave Simnick: You know, it's so Sacreds more like me policing myself, right? But like all externalities in terms of, what am I gonna do? Like, look at my wife and be like, I'm in my sacred zone. Like, it's all right. Next time we talk, Adam just gonna be like, you were divorced. How's that?
[00:27:09] Adam Fishman: There's only been one. Known divorce following a Startup Dad, uh, episode. And it was unrelated, unrelated to the content of the episode.
[00:27:19] Adam Fishman: that's pretty good odds actually though. I've done,
[00:27:21] Adam Fishman: you know, 120 episodes and only one,
[00:27:24] Dave Simnick: you're crushing it.
[00:27:25] Adam Fishman: yeah, yeah.
[00:27:26] Adam Fishman: That's
[00:27:26] Adam Fishman: right.
[00:27:26] Dave Simnick: it was a year later,
[00:27:27] Adam Fishman: self-selection. I'm only selecting for great dads. That's the
[00:27:31] Adam Fishman: thing. That's how you made the cut.
[00:27:32] Adam Fishman: okay. Tell me about the weekly partner sync that you do with your wife.
[00:27:37] Dave Simnick: so essentially, we just get on the same page I live with my sister-in-law
[00:27:43] Dave Simnick: we have a monthly house meeting, but like my wife and I, you know, we sink pretty much every day of like, what are you doing? When can you be there? what shifts are you doing?
[00:27:51] Dave Simnick: All that type of stuff. my usual shift is like I do the morning shift.
[00:27:56] Dave Simnick: that really is my time our kid sleeps through the night, thank God now, and he wakes up in his crib around, it can be earliest as six. It could be latest as like seven,
[00:28:09] Dave Simnick: somewhere in that timeframe.
[00:28:11] Dave Simnick: And then he usually likes to, come and we pick him up and bring him into our bed.
[00:28:17] Dave Simnick: with a binky, usually he likes to just like, kinda like nuzzle in and he'll sleep for like another 15 to 30 minutes,
[00:28:25] Dave Simnick: kinda like in and out. And then after that he kind of wakes up and then he wants to play.
[00:28:30] Dave Simnick: So I usually change his diaper. He often has pooed at that time. So like I dig the. The one super stinky, holy crap, diaper duty. And that's like my way of just being like, my wife does more than me. I know it hands down
[00:28:46] Dave Simnick: I'll bring him down, I'll feed him.
[00:28:48] Dave Simnick: And then the coolest thing. And talking about like, things that have happened recently, about a month ago, he started just playing by himself. So he can do about like 20 minutes of just like, I want to play by myself and I need you in the room.
[00:29:01] Dave Simnick: I'm gonna look at you. You still here?
[00:29:03] Dave Simnick: You're good. All right. And then I'll just play so my cup of coffee, usually my wife comes and joins me, and that's usually when we're sinking. So we actually even, we even do it even more than weekly. It's like really, you know, on a daily basis we're both just on a couch watching him play. and it's awesome.
[00:29:19] Dave Simnick: And.
[00:29:20] Adam Fishman: Cool. And you're doing schedule stuff, probably not major parenting decisions, but minor parenting decisions, life admin, like that, that sort of stuff.
[00:29:30] Dave Simnick: Mm-hmm.
[00:29:31] Dave Simnick: but we both love a good calendar invite.
[00:29:33] Adam Fishman: Okay. We're gonna take a, take a quick detour into a contrarian corner.
[00:29:39] Adam Fishman: you have a belief, you describe this as to me as the goal is not to win parenting. So tell me what you meant by your goal is not to win parenting.
[00:29:51] Dave Simnick: No, it is because you're not going to be the best parent period. the moment you look at TikTok or Instagram, someone's gonna be making like, you know, freshly made from their backyard farm, whatever type of meal
[00:30:05] Dave Simnick: so I think for me, it's always been about like, all right, well, are you enjoying the journey?
[00:30:11] Dave Simnick: More importantly, are you creating an environment that is safe and empowering and stimulating, for your kids? So like, it really is just about, like, I'm a big believer in like scraped knees and playing outdoors and, to a degree blowing stuff up. I was in Boy Scouts, I was an Eagle Scout.
[00:30:34] Dave Simnick: Somehow I have all my fingers and toes, but like, we did crazy stuff. We made homemade napalm. We decided to recreate what we thought hell looked like. So then we coated the whole sewer drain in front of our house. We popped it off. We convinced our foolish neighbor that like, you know, a snowsuit and a World War II gas mask was safe enough to like climb down there like
[00:30:57] Dave Simnick: we did our own zip line in the backyard where we like, we basically like climbed up a super big tree and then we anchored it to a tree that could not support the weight at all. So the first kid who went down and like snapped the tree, like it was, all these things.
[00:31:13] Dave Simnick: we did this one thing where my, I have two older brothers. we would take my mom's mini. And we pretend that we were, we were paratroopers like jumping out of a plane. Uh, and this is like, you know, the Midwest where there like snows a lot and there were huge snow banks. So we would like jump out of a 25 mile per hour, like, you know, minivan where basically we would like jump in the snow banks.
[00:31:37] Dave Simnick: and that's just so, so dangerous and dumb. Like that's, oh my gosh,
[00:31:42] Adam Fishman: You are in trouble. You said your son's a lot like you. You're
[00:31:45] Dave Simnick: I can't wait because, you know, like when we're gonna be disciplining 'em, I'm just gonna like, wink at them and be like,
[00:31:50] Dave Simnick: good job.
[00:31:51] Adam Fishman: Okay. So all this to say it's okay to not be a perfect, parent.
[00:31:56] Dave Simnick: I would argue that like, I think it's important that kids see the humanity of their parents,
[00:32:00] Dave Simnick: if you were this incredibly perfect, amazing, wonderful thing all the time, then like you are setting your kids up for some serious
[00:32:07] Dave Simnick: therapy. it's not reality.
[00:32:10] Dave Simnick: one of the things that really stuck with me in getting a master's in education and I focused on childhood development, is how much asking your kid and talking through things, goes to develop their critical thinking.
[00:32:27] Dave Simnick: So I know that I'm going to let my kids down. I want to apologize and take ownership for that when I do, and I wanna model that. I wanna model what it looks like to be in a household where my wife and I rarely, if ever, yell at each other,
[00:32:45] Dave Simnick: we're just both not those type of people.
[00:32:47] Dave Simnick: And that's not to say anyone who does, but I think the thing that we really wanna model for our kids is like, how do you process all your feelings,
[00:32:55] Dave Simnick: how do we model that own? But like, do I think I need to be a perfect dad? I know for a fact that today I am not.
[00:33:01] Dave Simnick: how do I model this maturity for my kids that I'm still learning how to be every day?
[00:33:09] Adam Fishman: All right. I've just got a couple more for you and then we can do the unveiling of the next discount code.
[00:33:14] Adam Fishman: You told me that you've learned more about leadership from watching your son learn to walk than from any book or conference. So tell me about that. Why is that?
[00:33:29] Dave Simnick: I think the most I've learned about leadership is I've had a bunch of phenomenal mentors throughout my life that, have modeled to me what it looks like to work your way through struggle and what perseverance looks like and how to treat people when things get really rough.
[00:33:48] Dave Simnick: and I've seen that with former bosses and with a lieutenant colonel who I absolutely adored and, with, a scout master and, uh, with my parents. thankfully I've had a lot of really phenomenal role models. The thing that I loved seeing in my kid is he was so damn determined to walk that no matter how many times he fell over, it didn't matter.
[00:34:14] Dave Simnick: he wouldn't cry. He would make this like grunt sound. Imagine this like little, you know, massive 10 month old, just sounds like the 88-year-old next door. Like, he was just like, what the, this makes no sense.
[00:34:29] Dave Simnick: But he just, he refused to give up. Always was willing to pick himself back up and, and try drag again. So I think that's where I was going with
[00:34:38] Dave Simnick: that. But most have ever learned leadership ever who That's some artistic stretch.
[00:34:44] Adam Fishman: Awesome. Okay. here's a fun one for you. What is an area of parenting that you and your wife don't agree 100% on?
[00:34:55] Dave Simnick: tickling.
[00:34:56] Adam Fishman: Tickling
[00:34:58] Adam Fishman: that I've never heard this before.
[00:35:00] Adam Fishman: why tickling?
[00:35:01] Dave Simnick: apparently like my wife and, uh, her family just are not really big on the whole, and I'm just like. Like, this is awesome. Like, he is laughing and smiling and they're like, yeah, but sometimes you do it too much. And what happens if like, it gets to a point where like they don't want it anymore.
[00:35:21] Dave Simnick: I'm like, tough. Like,
[00:35:25] Dave Simnick: my kid is so ticklish. Like if you, if you squeeze his thighs, he, he gets ticklish if you, tickle his tummy if you're under his arms, like kid's ticklish everywhere.
[00:35:33] Dave Simnick: So, what I am very cautious of is because he throws his head back violently and like starts doing all this, is just making sure that like, I'm not, you know, causing serious permanent concussion. I told her straight up, I was just like, Hey.
[00:35:47] Dave Simnick: I love you or respect you. We're gonna have disagreements. This is one of 'em. And she was like, so you're still gonna keep tickling? I'm like, till the day I die. I was like, sorry. I was like, no, no.
[00:35:57] Adam Fishman: Well we've had a lot of firsts on Startup Dad and I think the tickling disagreement may be a fir another
[00:36:02] Adam Fishman: first for us, so Yeah.
[00:36:04] Dave Simnick: I knew it was super strange. Like, don't What about you Adam was there? Like what, what was the disagreement in the
[00:36:09] Adam Fishman: Oh my god. It is a million of 'em, but you know, they're all small, so it's no big deal.
[00:36:14] Adam Fishman: And the kids are still alive. My kids are 13 and 10, so clearly it's worked out
[00:36:18] Adam Fishman: no matter who wins. Yeah. okay. how can people follow along or be helpful to you in your journey? Either parenting or Soapbox or both?
[00:36:32] Dave Simnick: first off, I've thoroughly enjoyed being on this podcast. I don't think I've ever talked so much just about. You know, my home life on a podcast and not actually the professional life, but Soapbox is a one for one mission-driven personal care brand. So we sell mostly shampoo and conditioner and hair care.
[00:36:49] Dave Simnick: but every time you buy one, we donate a bar of soap.
[00:36:51] Dave Simnick: and why do we do that? Well, I used to work for USAID and I wanted to change the way that we were doing a lot of our water sanitation and hygiene work around the world. So let's say Adam, you're a soap maker in Northern India. The last thing you want is me popping out a shipping container with 88,000 free bars of soap.
[00:37:05] Dave Simnick: I just put you outta the business. More importantly, I just taught the whole community to wait till like awkward new dad shows up and hands you a bunch of free stuff. So the way that we turn that on its edge and make it way more sustainable is we work with local 5 0 1 c threes, or the charity equivalent within those countries, and we basically pick up the hygiene budget for their wash efforts.
[00:37:25] Dave Simnick: therefore they buy from you.
[00:37:28] Dave Simnick: Which is way more sustainable. Or they havebasically a model that is working with the local community to procure from the local community. we're gonna celebrate a 50000000th donation. the way you can help is give us a shot, you know, like next time you're at Target, Walmart, CVS, Kroger, Amazon, or on Amazon Meyer WinCo.
[00:37:48] Dave Simnick: it's easier to talk about the retailers. We don't sell in the us but we also sell in Canada, Mexico, and a couple other places. we have a phenomenal team here that makes this happen every single day. I've said this before, but we're in such an incredibly competitive.
[00:38:04] Dave Simnick: Environment that it's just like I go to war every day against L'Oreal, P and g, Unilever,
[00:38:09] Dave Simnick: Colgate, Pala, Ken View, like each of these people, like, they just want our market share because we're taken from theirs.
[00:38:16] Dave Simnick: I love what we do so much because I know for a fact if you just look at the statistics, I know that our customers have saved lives.
[00:38:25] Dave Simnick: if you look at the introduction of proper wash, like water sanitation, hygiene into communities around the world can drastically reduce preventable diseases. It's more importantly preventable deaths,
[00:38:38] Dave Simnick: right? So if you look at the top five reasons why children under Age five die, and this is apropos, given that we're talking about, you know, parenting on this podcast,
[00:38:47] Dave Simnick: Two of them is diarrhea related illnesses and acute respiratory diseases, and 33% of acute respiratory diseases and over 50% of diarrhea related illnesses can be stopped with just proper hygiene.
[00:39:01] Dave Simnick: Right? Like the introduction of like access to clean water and proper hygiene. and the thing is, is that, like if you look at public health initiatives, right?
[00:39:09] Dave Simnick: Like this is one of the cheapest and most long land, long lasting. So we just work with Rotary International and, the Carter Center and Care and American Red Cross, and then all of these organizations like ecobank and the Wash Foundation and sandara, and the list goes on and on and on in terms of like, we're the funder of various of their efforts.
[00:39:31] Dave Simnick: And all of that funding is made possible by someone choosing to buy, you know, our shampoo, which is full of better ingredients and, more efficacy and, and all these other aspects at Target.
[00:39:43] Dave Simnick: I was at Target this weekend. Next time I go, I'm gonna have to check it out.
[00:39:46] Adam Fishman: and because I'm a new customer. I could use coupon code
[00:39:53] Dave Simnick: Start up dead. 15.
[00:39:55] Adam Fishman: 15
[00:39:57] Adam Fishman: for 15% off for new
[00:40:00] Adam Fishman: customers. So, yeah. Can't wait. I'm gonna do it. okay.
[00:40:04] Adam Fishman: We will send as many people as possible the Soapbox. are you ready for lightning round?
[00:40:08] Dave Simnick: Strike away.
[00:40:09] Adam Fishman: Okay. Uh, what is the most indispensable parenting product that you have ever purchased?
[00:40:15] Dave Simnick: the automatic formula maker.
[00:40:18] Adam Fishman: Okay.
[00:40:19] Dave Simnick: Holy crap.
[00:40:20] Adam Fishman: What is the most useless parenting product that you've ever purchased?
[00:40:24] Dave Simnick: Uh, the little poop spatula. That thing. I know some people swear by it. Right? But like, what do you what? Like, Just
[00:40:31] Dave Simnick: wipe.
[00:40:32] Adam Fishman: poop spatula. I was not
[00:40:35] Adam Fishman: even aware of the existence of this,
[00:40:37] Adam Fishman: but now I have to go look it up.
[00:40:39] Adam Fishman: Uh, we'll link to it in the show notes. We'll find one and link to it.
[00:40:42] Adam Fishman: so people can
[00:40:42] Adam Fishman: not buy it. Yeah. I see what you did there. I see why you and Mike get along so well. It's the dad
[00:40:48] Adam Fishman: jokes.
[00:40:49] Dave Simnick: so sorry. That's, it's awful. Us in a room together
[00:40:52] Adam Fishman: oh, game over. Okay. True or false, there is only one correct way to load the dishwasher.
[00:40:59] Dave Simnick: false.
[00:41:01] Adam Fishman: Okay. Awesome. so far you're only one 13 months in. What is your least favorite parenting task?
[00:41:10] Dave Simnick: soiled clothing.
[00:41:11] Adam Fishman: Oh, that's a good one.
[00:41:13] Dave Simnick: Like, it's just, you know, like, like the vial stench of.
[00:41:18] Dave Simnick: Whatever you tried to feed your child that day, and then like you, you know, you put in a diaper, you put in the diaper bin, you're like, all right, that's
[00:41:25] Dave Simnick: a toxic zone that has its own place, but like,
[00:41:28] Dave Simnick: you are like running through the wash, didn't finally get out.
[00:41:30] Dave Simnick: You gotta do it
[00:41:30] Dave Simnick: again.
[00:41:31] Adam Fishman: I gotta tell you, 50 50 chance that thing's just going right in the trash if it's me. So, I don't know, have to worry about this
[00:41:37] Adam Fishman: anymore, knock
[00:41:38] Dave Simnick: better than man than me.
[00:41:39] Adam Fishman: maybe I'm a worse man. You're at least trying. okay. What is your signature Dad's superpower?
[00:41:44] Dave Simnick: joy,
[00:41:46] Adam Fishman: Joy.
[00:41:46] Dave Simnick: any moment my child just starts getting really frustrated and all that type of stuff, like, I just throw 'em up in the air, right? Like, and my wife is always like, that's too much. And he just like, he just loses his absolute
[00:42:01] Adam Fishman: He's a big kid. He is. Got lots of padding, so
[00:42:04] Adam Fishman: he
[00:42:04] Dave Simnick: Well, I mean, like, look, I, I go lift heavy things up and down again for fun.
[00:42:08] Dave Simnick: So if I can't, if I can't throw like essentially 30 pounds in the air and catch it safely, then what am I doing going to the gym in the first place?
[00:42:16] Dave Simnick: baby's getting really fussy. You, they're like, ah, what do we do? I'm just like, I got you. I got this. Like, tag me in
[00:42:23] Adam Fishman: Yeah. Put me in, coach. I'm the ideal day with your son involves what? Uh, activity.
[00:42:30] Dave Simnick: learning,
[00:42:31] Adam Fishman: Okay.
[00:42:31] Dave Simnick: just around learning him, exploring new things, also being on his time.
[00:42:37] Dave Simnick: Being fully present and allowing him to explore the world the way that he wants to. I've seen a direct correlation When I'm anxious, he's anxious, and when I'm fully present and like, take as long as you want to explore this, like leaf in our neighbor's yard, he's just like, all right,
[00:42:52] Adam Fishman: Yeah.
[00:42:52] Dave Simnick: cool.
[00:42:53] Adam Fishman: Now at 13 months, I don't think he probably has an extensive vocabulary. But if he had to describe you in one word, what would it be?
[00:43:03] Dave Simnick: Be a smile.
[00:43:05] Adam Fishman: It'd be a smile. Okay.
[00:43:07] Dave Simnick: I came back from a meeting, so it was like only two hours. So I walk in, I walk into the house and he's playing and he sees me and as if like, you know, I had been gone like. For six months or whatever, and he takes his toy that he was playing with and throws it across the room without a abandonment, was like crawling, walking, stumbling over himself, like runs over to me and just like, and just falls into my legs.
[00:43:32] Dave Simnick: And I was just like, oh, this what, this is what it's meant to be.
[00:43:35] Dave Simnick: Like, loved,
[00:43:36] Adam Fishman: That's awesome. That's awesome. Okay. What is the funniest thing that Noah has ever done in public?
[00:43:43] Dave Simnick: my mom, was seeing like him for the first time and like, she was like, ha. And he just like looked up and just shut
[00:43:55] Dave Simnick: and he was wearing a diaper, but everyone knew what was going
[00:43:57] Dave Simnick: on. Like my mom was super happy to see little Noah and like, just,
[00:44:01] Adam Fishman: Okay. What is your go-to dad wardrobe.
[00:44:06] Dave Simnick: at it.
[00:44:08] Adam Fishman: All right, awesome. Nailed it.
[00:44:10] Dave Simnick: Jeans, polo jeans, shirt, jeans, something. If it's like, if I know that it's gonna be like all out warfare and I'll just probably put on gym shorts
[00:44:20] Dave Simnick: because I'm like, everything's gonna get destroyed.
[00:44:22] Adam Fishman: cool. do you have a go-to bribe for your son?
[00:44:30] Adam Fishman: Toys. Okay. what is the worst experience that you have ever had assembling a piece of furniture or a children's toy?
[00:44:40] Dave Simnick: installed the crib wrong,
[00:44:42] Adam Fishman: Oh,
[00:44:43] Dave Simnick: but the whole thing, you know, like the little mattress thing and it was so difficult. 'cause it's one of those like Allen wrenches that they give you, like it's an inch wide and you're just like, did the whole thing. And then, and the thing is that like, I bought a tool that I thought was gonna be even better, but then the actual bolts were too close to the actual woods.
[00:44:58] Dave Simnick: So it was like you could only use their little thing and you could only get like 15 degrees to actually do this whole, and I do the whole thing. And then I realize
[00:45:07] Adam Fishman: Upside down. Why is it that? You actually have to have the hands, the size of a child in order to put together a child's crib. it doesn't work for adult hands, so anyway, uh, it just doesn't,
[00:45:22] Adam Fishman: what is your favorite kid's movie?
[00:45:25] Dave Simnick: there's so many Disney movies that immediately come like to the top.
[00:45:29] Dave Simnick: Noah loves the soundtrack of Mulan.
[00:45:33] Dave Simnick: I'd probably say I can't wait to show him that
[00:45:35] Dave Simnick: I hope I have a daughter.
[00:45:36] Dave Simnick: We're gonna have more kids. I'd love for her to fall in love with that. Just for the symbolism of like, doesn't matter, Zander, you can achieve whatever you want.
[00:45:45] Adam Fishman: okay. when he is old enough, what do you think? The first back in my day story that you will tell Noah is,
[00:45:54] Dave Simnick: Oh, I wanna talk about like how we used to not have cell phones. Like I think it's gonna be mind blowing.
[00:45:59] Adam Fishman: Okay. What nostalgic movie can you just not wait to show Noah?
[00:46:04] Dave Simnick: sand lot.
[00:46:05] Adam Fishman: Oh, that's a good one.
[00:46:07] Adam Fishman: All right. I got two left for. What is your favorite hack for road trips or flights?
[00:46:15] Dave Simnick: ooh. Flights. So this kid had a passport at one month old.
[00:46:20] Adam Fishman: Wow,
[00:46:21] Dave Simnick: we've taken him all over. We've taken him to, he's been to four countries so far.
[00:46:26] Dave Simnick: we also love traveling. the biggest thing to time with him, is just making sure that his nap times are in sync with wherever.
[00:46:37] Dave Simnick: Like, so, like the nap times should start when we're actually on the plane.
[00:46:41] Dave Simnick: Right. And then like, the duration of that should cover the nap time. And like we just, we are trying to make sure that his sleep is precious, so we're coordinating all the different things.
[00:46:51] Dave Simnick: the other travel hack is, you know, the toys that, like suction cup to the airplane window
[00:46:55] Adam Fishman: Yeah.
[00:46:57] Dave Simnick: Gold.
[00:46:58] Adam Fishman: Love that. Last question for you sir. What is your take on minivans?
[00:47:04] Dave Simnick: Love 'em.
[00:47:05] Adam Fishman: we almost bought one, uh, we almost bought the Kia Carnival, but we ended up doing the Telluride, which I think is the same thing as a minivan. 'cause the thing, it's practically the same, but it's just, it's an SUV instead of a minivan.
[00:47:15] Dave Simnick: But I think, look. we do want to have more kids. Right? And just looking at the practicality of anything that doesn't have the amount of space to accommodate all, all these, destroyers of the earth.
[00:47:24] Dave Simnick: Like, yeah.
[00:47:25] Adam Fishman: You also have to bring along like five or six Turkish family members too. So in every trip.
[00:47:31] Dave Simnick: almost got an eight here. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.
[00:47:38] Adam Fishman: all right. Well, minivan may be in your future. I love that for you.
[00:47:43] Adam Fishman: quick reminder, STARTUPDAD15 is the code. It'll get you 15% off at Soapbox, which is Dave's company. Dave, thank you so much for joining me today, talking to me about Noah tickling and all of the ins and outs of, uh, new fatherhood.
[00:48:00] Adam Fishman: I really, really appreciate it and I wish you and your family all the best for the rest of the year.
[00:48:07] Dave Simnick: Adam, I wish, uh, the same to you and yours, and I dunno how you've done it, but I'm trying to follow in your footsteps.
[00:48:14] Adam Fishman: Thank you.
[00:48:15] Adam Fishman: Thank you for listening to today's episode with Dave Simnick. You can subscribe and watch the show on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Visit www.startupdadpod.com to learn more and browse past episodes.
[00:48:29] Adam Fishman: Thanks for listening. And see you next week.